Category: Culture

In recent years, mental health has emerged from the closet to be openly discussed in the business world. Corporate America talks about it in terms of work-life balance, burnout, and managing stress while offering resources and advice. Yet, I have never seen much written about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Two years ago, I was involved in a horrible accident. It was an accident that changed my life in every way. I promised myself that once I got far enough away from it to gain perspective, I would write about it and what I learned.

It was one of those wonderful spring nights in Houston where the sun sets at 7:30, the humidity is low, and it is pleasantly warm—the days you just want to be outside. My husband and I walked to dinner two blocks away from our home as is often our habit. There were lots of people walking the streets, all enthused by the wonderful weather.

After dinner, we crossed the busy intersection of Kirby Drive, where people were crossing ahead and behind us. Suddenly, I was thrown in the air by a car that had run a red light and hit me. Time stood still, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see my husband being thrown in the air as well. My husband lay dazed in the middle of the street. I thought he was dead. I was covered in blood and also lying in the intersection. He later admitted he thought I was dead. Fortunately, other cars stopped and formed a circle around us to protect us from being run over us a second time. The driver reluctantly stopped but did not get out of the car. For a short period of time, I could not move my legs, and there was a large tire track where the car had run over my right foot. An ambulance arrived within ten minutes and, with sirens blaring, whisked us to the emergency room.

After spending the night in the emergency room, I was diagnosed with two broken legs along with a deep cut above my eye that required surgery. My husband was battered and bruised. I avoided surgery by agreeing not to put weight on my feet for two months and using a wheelchair. Healing my broken legs bruised and battered face would be the easy part.

The following day I posted details of my accident on Facebook assuring friends that I would be okay and vowing to get back to work the next week, wheelchair and all. Along with numerous messages of love and concern, there was a message from a therapist friend that said, “Jane I strongly recommend you and your husband get PTSD counseling.” I wondered what he meant because I was worried about getting from my wheelchair into a shower. It didn’t take long to find out.

During a torrential downpour the next day, we embarked on our first of many doctors’ appointments. My husband and I panicked. We knew what we could see but didn’t know what we couldn’t see—just like in the accident. Was a car going to come out of nowhere and run us down? Would we be unexpectedly rear-ended? Not surprisingly ,it took us 90 minutes to make the six-mile trip. I was shaking and in tears.

My emotions were not limited to car rides. As I recovered, I sat in my wheelchair in our home—a 17th-floor high-rise—where I looked out on the scene of the accident. My heart raced, and I broke out into a cold sweat as memories of the accident engulfed me—the sound of metal hitting my leg, the nearby pedestrians screaming for the driver to stop, and the claustrophobia I felt riding in an ambulance strapped to a spinal board. These thoughts consumed me.

I knew I needed help to deal with my emotional injury. The first order of business was to learn what PTSD is and what can be done to treat it.

What is PTSD?

Most people associate PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) with soldiers returning from combat. But it is broader than that. PTSD is an emotional reaction to traumatic events (accident, natural disaster, violence, assault) that can take the form of nightmares, heightened anxiety, avoidance, memory lapses, and intense physiological reactions to reminders of the trauma, such as rapid heartbeat and sweating.

Studies indicate that 3.5 percent of the US population will experience PTSD in a given year. It can happen immediately after the event or years later. People of any age, gender, ethnicity and background can experience it.

PTSD can be mild. One friend was in a bicycle accident and ended up in a ditch with no one to help her. While she does not have nightmares about the accident, she no longer rides bicycles, and the accident has not had any emotional impact on her except her depriving herself of the joy of bike riding. It can also be severe and affect the quality of one’s life. We all have heard stories about people who were sexually abused as a child and in their adult years start having recurring nightmares and anxiety so severe it affects their ability to sustain relationships.

Treatment for PTSD

There are many ways to treat PTSD, including medication, traditional therapy, and specific targeted therapies. Targeted therapies include Prolonged Exposure Therapy, which teaches individuals to approach trauma-related memories they have been avoiding, Cognitive Processing Therapy, which teaches people to identify how the traumatic experiences have affected their thinking and entail consciously modifying disturbing thought patterns that interfere with the patient’s life, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing which involves the patient revisiting the trauma in bits and pieces with alternating stimuli (eye movement or tapping) in a structured session.

In my case, I did not want to take medication and knew that traditional therapy –talking about my childhood—would not help. I googled the Veteran’s Administration website, which has considerable information about PTSD and treatments. One referral led to another and to yet another, and I found a specialist who was close to my home (another positive since driving long distances was not in my traumatized husband’s wheelhouse, and I could not drive). My therapist specialized in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

My therapy involved sitting face-to-face with my therapist. In her calm and soothing voice, she asked me to describe the accident—not only what happened but what I felt in my body as I described it. She would ask me to describe the negative feelings and rate the distress I felt. She did this while instructing me to follow her hand with my eyes or while tapping on my arm or leg.

I’m not sure why the eye movement works but one Harvard researcher hypothesizes that for reasons connected with the biological mechanism involved in Rapid Eye Moment (REM) sleep, internal associations arise and the client begins to process the memory differently and from an empowered place. My therapist, Jennifer Christian, states, “The body is made to heal; EMDR taps into this healing process, calms the nervous system, reduces the level of distress when remembering, and helps us to reconnect with ourselves.”

Each time I visited her and processed the memory I started to see it differently and my distress lessened. From being scared and angry, I started thinking, “Yeah, this happened, but you know what? I am okay. I survived. I am resilient.”

How long does the therapy last and does it work?

One of the benefits of EMDR therapy is that it is not something you do for years. Most protocols require eight treatments. After five sessions, I felt like my old self and saw the accident as just an unfortunate alignment of the stars rather than an event that would define who I was.

The EMDR Institute reports that more than 30 positive controlled outcome studies have been done on EMDR therapy. Some of the studies show that 84 to 90 percent of single-trauma victims no longer have post-traumatic stress disorder after only three 90-minute sessions. Another study, funded by the HMO Kaiser Permanente, found that 100 percent of the single-trauma victims and 77 percent of multiple trauma victims no longer were diagnosed with PTSD after only six 50-minute sessions. In another study, 77 percent of combat veterans were free of PTSD in 12 sessions.

With the focus today on mental health, perhaps corporations should investigate whether this treatment would be beneficial for depression, low self-esteem, or even work-related stress. One of the many lessons I learned from my accident was that talking about mental health and asking for help was part of the healing process.

Let the talking and healing begin.

My, how the times have changed. Not a decade ago, businesses sought to outdo each other’s holiday parties. Companies vied for the most astonishing locale, hottest caterer, and spirits—so much so that the production overshadowed the season’s true nature.

Ever since the New York Times and the New Yorker published articles chronicling allegations of sexual assault and harassment against producer Harvey Weinstein and seemingly every media star or mogul you have ever heard of, with more women coming forward each day, corporate America is taking notice.

Challenger, Grey & Christmas, an outplacement consulting firm, conducted a holiday party survey of 150 human resource representatives titled, “Is the ‘Weinstein effect’ causing companies to curtail celebrations?” The firm reported that about 10 percent of employers will not hold a holiday party this year after having held them in the past. Less than half of employers (47.8 percent) will provide alcohol at holiday parties this year, down from 62 percent in 2016. “Employers are currently very wary of creating an environment where inappropriate contact between employees could occur,” said Andrew Challenger, Vice President of Challenger, Gray & Christmas.

A Company Party has the Word “Company” in it.

During my 40-year career, I have attended more than 500 holiday and office parties. Most of them, even back then, were participated in by well-behaved executives, but there were always a few situations where you just shook your head and wondered, “What were they thinking?”

• Not grokking the purpose of the party. Many people go to a holiday business party (theirs or a business client’s or partner’s) with a different mindset. They assume it is a party—which it is in a sense. More importantly, work occurs under various conditions, from regular workdays to those with many of the same people. There are people at the party who establish your salary, if you are ready for the promotion or if they want to do business with you. Because you are not in the office, it can be tempting to be overly casual or say things that you would not otherwise say in the office.
• Hors d’oeuvres do not mean dinner. Some people at business gatherings make a beeline for the serving table and pile a plate so high with food that I worry the plate will crack from the weight. They eat so much that you cannot even distract them with a “happy holiday.”
• Talking to only those with whom you work. If you are hosting a party for clients or potential clients, avoid the temptation to speak with your work colleagues. Remember, many of the people attending may only know a few people. You are a host, even if you don’t know many attendees.
• Arriving too early or leaving too late. Nothing is worse than guests who attend a party 15 minutes before the event begins. Well, there is something worse: the guests have a good time staying long after the party ends.
• Drinking too much. Getting sloshed at a business event is one of the worst ideas ever, but it happens at every holiday business party. And the next day, you can hear the whispers, “Did you see Evelyn struggle to find her way out of the house?” “Boy, Bob sure was not feeling any pain last night.” Do you want to be the person everyone talks about the next day? Will that engender respect or help your career? Enough said.

Advice from a Pro

Cindy Clifford, President of The Clifford Group and one of the nation’s leading PR gurus, has planned thousands of corporate events. She offers the following advice:

• Dress up but not so much that you stand out. Consider the occasion. The attire for a business open house may differ from that of a cocktail party.
• Arrive about 15 minutes after the party starts and leave before it ends. You don’t have to say goodbye when you leave; folks are busy. You can sneak out.
• Mix and mingle with everyone. Avoid only talking to your close colleagues and those you know.
• Make light conversation about holiday shopping, holiday plans, business, etc. It is not time to get into the nuts and bolts of work, especially not your career. And it goes without saying that this is not the year to discuss politics. Avoid pitching your business if you are at a prospective client’s gathering.
• Eat the food. Someone planned this event, and they want to see people enjoying it. Don’t ask for a to-go box or act like this is your first meal in months.
• Alcohol. If you have one or two drinks, switch to Perrier. Do not drive other colleagues home unless you are a solid, sober, designated driver.
• There are different rules for home parties. If it’s at your boss’s home, bring a small gift. Do not bring a bottle of wine that says, ‘I didn’t put any effort or thought into this.’ Instead, get a book you love, a box of fancy candy, or something special. If you are attending a party at home, don’t ask for bourbon if only wine is served. Only wander the house if you ask. If you break something, let the host know.
• Write a thank you note and mail it. This is so rare nowadays and very impressive to the receiver.
• Respect others’ boundaries. Be careful not to become overly physically familiar with people you don’t know well. It is a new day, and it is better to err on the safe side.
• Have fun. But remember, it’s business.

As Thanksgiving week approaches, it is time to reflect on our many blessings both personally and professionally. Over the years I’ve shared that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I’ve reflected on the gauntlet of travelling during the busiest day for air travel, and polled our team on their favorite Thanksgiving foods.

This year, acknowledging the less blessed moments of family gatherings, I asked our team to offer our readers advice: How to survive awkward family moments over the holiday—from diffusing heated political discussions, to ignoring that embarrassing thing your weird uncle does, to nice things to say about a disastrous turkey, to negotiating old traditions in a newly blended family. We’ve changed names and details to protect the innocent (and the guilty) to avoid a new awkward moment this Thanksgiving.

I’ll start us off:

Flipping the Bird

Eight years ago, in November, I packed up my life and moved to California. I was coming here for all the right reasons: business opportunities, the weather, love and more taxes (of which I remind my lovely Faith every April 15th!).

What I didn’t know was that holiday time would include the past spouse. It seems I found myself the Mother Theresa of northern California, and all orphans were welcome, large or small.

Settling in to this novel concept was challenging, but what started as mild concern turned into awkward alarm when HE put the bird on my grill and announced he would make it. Didn’t he know the adage: Never touch another man’s grill?

I haven’t touched a turkey in eight years!

Finally, we begged off the “bring an X” tradition, and I thought this year would be my chance. I was wrong.

“My daughter is bringing her chef friend,” Faith announced with glee. “He’s smoking the turkey!”

My advice? There’s always football.

Best. Brownies. Ever.

Sometimes, families clash over the ingredients of traditional holiday dishes. One person may insist that marshmallows top the sweet potato casserole, while another vehemently protests. One family member can’t eat gluten; another is horrified that the stuffing is gluten-free. Then, there is the “special” ingredient that one Thanksgiving guest added to a batch of brownies. Alex & Red Managing Director John Mann tells the story:

Thankfully, most of my Thanksgiving holidays have been intentionally innocuous and time well spent with family and friends. However, several years ago a friend shared a story of her Thanksgiving holiday. She was hosting Thanksgiving that year and asked each family member attending to bring a specific dish—rolls, stuffing, sides and desserts. Her sister volunteered to bring brownies but took it a step further and made an “adults only” batch of brownies. To my friend’s surprise, her sister persuaded a few of her teetotaling senior relatives to try them. Needless to say, she reported that by early evening most of the adults were mellow and agreeable, or sound asleep.

John’s advice? Pass the brownies.

“So… when am I going to be a grandma?”

Research Associate Abby Buchold reminds us, “with the holidays approaching, many of us will be at the table or sitting on the couch with overly curious relatives. I count myself lucky that neither my parents nor my in-laws ever prodded me with questions about having kids, but occasionally one of my husband’s relatives would get up the nerve to ask him about it. (I think they were afraid to ask that in front of me.) My husband tells me they never ask again if he gives this answer, ‘I’m too selfish to have kids.’”

Abby’s advice? Silence a cringe-worthy line of questioning with a polite but firm response.

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere

Senior Associate James Irvine shares this story:

In 2015, my parents, brother, fiancée and 13 aunts, uncles and cousins gathered in Carmel, California for Thanksgiving. It was great to get everyone together in a breathtakingly gorgeous place, but 18 adults under one roof can get hectic! Late afternoon on Thanksgiving day, a few of us drove to Pebble Beach to grab a cocktail, as is necessary when navigating such a large family gathering.

Jamie’s advice? Keep your cool with a cocktail (as long as it’s enjoyed in moderation).

The introvert’s guide to Thanksgiving, by Research Director Kyle Robinson

For introverts, large gatherings of people—yes, even family members—can quickly drain their energy. It is tiring to always be “on” and carry on conversations with people you haven’t seen since the previous holiday season (and to bite your tongue when your crazy uncle starts off on one of his political rants again). So, here are a few easy tips for any introvert to remember while surviving the holiday season.

1. Come prepared with talking points. Have some conversation starters prepared to help avoid those awkward silences that send introverts running for the hills. Remember that your cousin John recently moved to California; ask him how he is enjoying the weather at this time of year. Ask your Aunt Susan how retirement is treating her, and whether she has any trips planned for the coming year.

2. Step away for a few minutes. When you have reached your people limit, find a quiet place to retreat to for a few minutes to sit in solitude. Or, take a short walk around the block for a few minutes of peace.

3. Help out your host in some way. Giving yourself some sort of task helps keep your mind focused on one thing, while simultaneously making yourself seem social. Take people’s coats as they arrive, help set the table, or offer to do the dishes. It requires very little social interaction while at the same taking care of a huge chore that nobody likes to do.

4. Remember for what you are thankful. Large social gatherings are tedious for introverts, like me. But be thankful to have people in your life who care about you enough to want to include you in their celebration.

The holiday season will be over soon enough. Then, the introverts of the world can go back to enjoying wild nights at home with Netflix.

It wasn’t me!

Marketing Director Susan Hunt shares this story:

One year, my three kids and their five cousins disappeared upstairs at Mimi’s and Grampy’s house. Mimi kept an antique-looking phone in the guest bedroom that the kids assumed was disconnected. As children are wont to do, they cavalierly dialed 9-1-1 and listened, horrified, as the phone began to ring. They quickly hung up. And waited.

Several minutes later, the doorbell rang. Uncle Scotty answered the door to find a Sherriff’s deputy waiting outside. “Did someone dial 9-1-1?” he asked. The adults convened in the entryway and quickly called the children downstairs. Choruses of “it wasn’t me!” greeted us as the children shuffled downstairs. The sheriff understood and after some neighborly chit-chat and declining a piece of pie, he went on his way. Diplomatically, the parents, satisfied that the children were appropriately chastised, dropped the matter. At least until later that evening.

As we drove home, I grilled my kids again: “I believe you’re innocent,” I said, knowing my little angels would never lie to me. “Just tell me who did do it.” “It was ____________!” they confessed, throwing their cousin under the bus. I knew it all along.

Susan’s advice? Diplomacy first (duplicity later).

Director Sarah Mitchell’s catch-all advice:

My catch-all solution for whatever ails you on thanksgiving is to just take a walk. Butting heads with your in laws? Take a stroll and cool off. Need to find out who your niece has a crush on but she doesn’t want to talk about it in front of her parents? Stretch your legs with her. Bored with football? Out you go. Eat one too many pieces of pie? The great outdoors beckons. There is a very little that some fresh air and a hit of endorphins can’t solve.

What a trip, by Managing Director Jean Lenzner

With no family close by, I have traditionally used the Thanksgiving holidays as the perfect time to fit in a quick trip, often adding a vacation day or two make to stretch the long, holiday weekend. Last year’s destination was an unforgettable trip to the Amazon rainforest of Ecuador; other memorable locations have included Dubai and Hong Kong. As much as I loved each of these trips, I have found colder climates a little more conducive to engendering holiday spirit. Past cities have included Berlin, Montreal and Munich, as all of these cities host big Christmas markets. This year, I will be returning to New York City, and I am already looking forward to a bit of cold weather with all the lights and holiday decorations.

Jean’s advice? Make it an adventure!

And I never ate turkey again…

Director Bill Lepiesza shared this awkward moment from his post-college days:

One of our first post-college Thanksgivings, our friends had us over and didn’t realize that there was a plastic bag full of whatever inside the turkey (Editor’s note: giblets, that’s what’s in the plastic bag: heart, gizzard, liver and various other visceral organs), and cooked it with the bag inside. It was covered in melted plastic when it came out of the oven.

Bill’s advice? If the bag has melted or warped in any way during the cooking process, it’s best not to serve the turkey. The plastic contains chemicals that can leach into the bird. Frozen pizza, anyone?

The day she lost her lunch, by Ashley Martinez

Years ago, I went to Thanksgiving with my college boyfriend’s family. They live in the northern United States, and the weather was freezing cold. Dinner was going well until I started to feel nauseous. I excused myself and hurried to find a restroom. They were all full! I made my way to the front door just in time to lose everything I had eaten (it turns out they put cream in their mashed potatoes, and I’m lactose intolerant). By the time my boyfriend checked on me and I had pulled myself together, the vomit had frozen to the porch; we had to haul hot water from inside to wash it away. While my boyfriend’s mother’s first concern was getting that porch clean, the rest of the family put me at ease and diligently pointed out any dishes on the table made with dairy.

We’re still friends, and whenever I see him or any of his family members, it’s a running joke.

Ashley’s advice? Get those dietary restrictions out on the table before they are “out on the table” (or the front porch, or the bathroom).

Deep-fried turducken and Beaujolais

Database Research Administrator Mike Fulton, a Louisiana native, shares this story:

Many years ago, when I was around ten, my maternal grandfather—a devout Roman Catholic and a Cajun—drove to northeast Texas with us to have Thanksgiving with my father’s very observant, and teetotaling, Baptist family. He arrived with all the accoutrements to deep fry a turducken, as well as several bottles of Beaujolais. When my uncle protested about the wine, my grandfather just smiled and said, “I wrapped them up in brown paper just as the Baptists like it.” It was like the Wars of Religion in Europe all over again: Catholics on one side of the table sipping wine; Protestants on the other imbibing coffee or iced tea.

Mike’s advice? A little tolerance goes a long way.

Traditional takeout, by Managing Director Beth Ehrgott

Two years ago, as was tradition, the extended family gathered at my home for Thanksgiving. No one wanted to cook this year so we thought, no problem! We’ll order Chinese takeout. We called our favorite place down the road…closed. We tried the next place. And the next. And the next. We must’ve called a dozen places—all closed. Thanksgiving being a holiday all about food, I had assumed that most restaurants were open. I was wrong, and now I had a house full of hungry people and no food. We improvised: there was a half-eaten baked ziti in the fridge and two or three flank steaks in the freezer. And that was our Thanksgiving meal. You know what? We had a blast. True story.

Beth’s advice? Always have a backup plan.

A Thanksgiving vocabulary lesson, from Sarah Silva

When I was a little girl around eight or nine years old, I learned a new word at school. None of my classmates knew what it meant, but it sounded funny to our young ears, and we eagerly incorporated it into our growing vocabularies. Later in the month, during Thanksgiving dinner, my family members were saying our prayers and taking turns giving thanks. When it was my turn, I proceeded to list off all the people in my life I loved and appreciated. I mentioned a family member and used my new vocabulary word to describe him. The table went silent. My mom’s face dropped and quietly asked me if I knew what it meant.

That was first time I realized I had been calling my friends and family members a bad word. Thankfully, my family explained the meaning of the word, and gently suggested I strike it from my vocabulary. I apologized in great embarrassment. Our family still laughs about it to this day. (Just in case you are curious, the infamous word begins with “p” and rhymes with “trick”.)

Sarah’s advice? Laugh at yourself.

It was the kids, I swear!

Director of Finance and Administration Gayette Eicher tells this story about an invitation-only family holiday:

About five years ago, my kids and I were planning to go to Midland for the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. I can’t remember why our plans changed, but we found ourselves staying in Houston with no real plan. I quizzed each of my children as to what they would like to do; the consensus was for me to cook a traditional turkey dinner at my house. Shortly after my conversations with them, their dad’s plans changed, and he and his girlfriend were without a place to go on Thanksgiving. Inclined to believe the more, the merrier, I suggested to the kids that their dad and, let’s call her “T”, should join us. Unanimously and adamantly, the kids said yes to dad, but no to significant others. They wanted a family-only celebration. Against my better judgement and my nature, I complied. After inviting him via text, he responded, “what can we bring?” My response was, “you don’t have to bring anything but please don’t bring T.” He didn’t text back for a couple of days and when he did, his response was, “we’re going to do something else but thanks for the invite.” I never admitted that it was the kids’ decision. To this day, I’m sure he thinks it was me.

Gayette’s advice? Sometimes, there simply isn’t a graceful solution to an awkward situation. And that is the truth.

Guess who’s coming to dinner?

As if to prove Gayette’s point, Executive Assistant Bob Freeman shares this awkward story from his childhood:

My brother’s former wife showed on Thanksgiving just as we were about to eat. My mom swears she did not know she was coming nor invite her (but I think she did). The ex-wife tried to sit at the table close to my brother, but there was some resistance; for instance, “Why don’t you sit over here by…” It wasn’t long before she was involved in conversations with other family members, but my brother’s ex-wife remained visibly uncomfortable.

Bob’s advice? Thanksgiving is no time for surprises. Confirm your host’s invitation and, if you are the host or hostess, make sure your guests know who is coming to dinner.

Sometimes blended families work

Just when we all want to go running to the hills this holiday season, Associate Katelyn Griffith shares this charming story of a second family sending its love.

Almost every year, my boyfriend’s family hosts a big family reunion over the summer. It’s chance to spend a long weekend and real quality time with his aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids. They are some of the warmest and most welcoming people I have ever met, and have quickly made me feel like a member of the family. They also spend every other year celebrating Thanksgiving together. I haven’t been able to join them the past few years for Thanksgiving as I have been spending the holiday with my family. My boyfriend knows how much it means to me that his family would invite me and how much I love spending time with them, so each year he puts together a video for me. Everyone waves at the camera and shouts, “Hi, Katelyn!” It is the sweetest gesture and warms my heart year after year.

Katelyn’s advice? Find yourself a partner that goes out of their way to make you happy and a second family that always makes you feel special.

Peace and quiet and the presence of love, by Managing Director Jane Howze

Thanksgiving is more than Thanksgiving to me. It also coincides with my wedding anniversary. We will celebrate our 39th wedding anniversary on the 29th. We typically make Thanksgiving about us and celebrate in Hawaii where we honeymooned. In addition to the obvious benefits, we avoid any conflicts with family members, cooking mishaps and the other things that everyone else has written about above. I am always grateful for the peace and quiet and the presence of my love.

Her advice? Make the holiday your own.

Happy Thanksgiving from The Alexander Group

Together, we wish you a holiday season free of awkward moments. And if there are, as there inevitably will be, send your stories to us… we are always grateful for a good laugh.

It wasn’t that long ago when we were contemplating turkey and pumpkin pie in terms of social distance and vaccination status. As we hurtle toward the holiday season, there’s renewed hope—even in uncertain times.

I find there’s a universal truth that everything, including the holidays, is more meaningful when spent with people who add joy and laughter to the everyday, in ways large and small.

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to slow down and take stock, so I’ve asked my colleagues for their thoughts on Thanksgiving/holiday season. They offer delicious sentiments and bits of wisdom (especially for those traveling) so take a moment and read what has become my favorite blog of the year.

Lindsay Ames, Research Team

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: This salad is sweet and tart and really hits the spot balancing the sometimes salty nature of the rest of the Thanksgiving/Christmas/Holiday feast sides.

My Favorite Cranberry Salad (from my husband’s great-grandmother)

• 1 small package of cherry or strawberry Jell-O
• 8 ounces of fresh cranberries
• 8 ounces of crushed walnuts
• ½-1 cup of sugar or Splenda
• 1 whole orange

Put 8 ounces of the cranberries and the orange, cut into pieces (rind and all) into a food processor and chop to a coarse consistency. Mix chopped cranberries, orange and walnuts with the sugar or Splenda and put into the fridge. Separately, prepare the Jell-O according to package directions. When the Jell-O is set, mix with the cranberry mixture.

We always try to buy two packages of the fresh Ocean Spray cranberries…they come in a 12 ounce package. Depending on how many guests we are planning on for the holidays I might make 1.5x the recipe. It is sometimes challenging to find the cranberries after Thanksgiving and we like to have this on Christmas too (the fresh cranberries freeze well).

Amanda Brady, Managing Director and COO, The Alexander Group

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: Mother’s Cranberry Salad–shredded fresh cranberries, apples, and celery, tossed with freshly squeezed orange juice and chopped walnuts. A perfectly fresh and tart side to other less umami contributions to the dinner table.

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: Thankful that Covid caused us to NOT travel for Thanksgiving and instead spend time with new friends that will undoubtedly be lifelong friends.

Abby Buchold, Research Associate, The Alexander Group

Q: Thanksgiving is synonymous with travel. Tell us your best holiday travel tips, horror story or a time when someone made your holiday travel better.

A: We pretty much stopped traveling for the holidays a few years ago and haven’t gone back to it since COVID. Though if we were to start heading out for holidays again, I’d use the same strategy as I did in the past: if you must fly, fly on Thanksgiving Day! Most people have already reached their destinations by then, so the airport may be less busy, and the atmosphere may even feel festive. Once while on a layover I saw that someone had made a Thanksgiving dinner for the gate agents and flight crews. They were enjoying holiday food and were very cheerful even while working on the holiday.

Shana DeLeon, Senior Associate, The Alexander Group

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: Companies are finally using technology to make things more efficient. Most importantly, grocery pickup and delivery services. Why didn’t this exist when I had my first child?

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: My parents were born in Jamaica, so growing up my Thanksgiving meals were a fusion of American and Jamaican cuisine. I am and have been obsessed with curry. Our dinners always had at least two curried items (shrimp, chicken, pork) and were usually paired with rice and peas (not to be confused with rice and beans).

Mike Doering, Associate

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: This may make me a traitor to my millennial generation, but I found myself truly thankful for the beautiful simplicity and directness of speaking to someone over the phone that I did not have before Covid.

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: All the pies!

Beth Ehrgott, Managing Director, The Alexander Group

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: I wish I had the recipes for my mom’s homemade cranberry/orange relish and pumpkin pie with fresh rum whipped cream! She made everything from scratch with love and used a manual hand grinder to grind the fresh cranberries and oranges with either pecans or walnuts, sugar, and I believe a bit of fresh mint leaves. Family and friends raved over both and my mom always made an entire extra batch of her special relish to jar and give as gifts. As a kid, I just wasn’t interested in paying attention when my mom was cooking and baking. I did help grind the relish but never paid attention to the prep, yet always managed to stay around to whip the cream and lick the beaters.

After college, I learned to cook and enjoyed hosting multi-course dinner parties… before kids! I am most thankful for and cherish family time (which includes extended family and friends who are like family) and have so many wonderful holiday memories as a child and now as a mom, but certainly wish I cared more earlier and paid attention to so many missed opportunities.

Bob Freeman, Senior Executive Assistant, The Alexander Group

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: At the start of the pandemic, I found myself very happy that all of my colleagues were able to make a rather seamless transition from working in the office to working at home. We just had to. Even though it may not have come easy for some, dismissed were the notions that we simply could not function effectively at home. I felt safe with this concept because I’ve had great success working remotely since 2013. My productivity did not only survive—it thrived. At the start of the pandemic, I was able to express that same confidence to others, and I’m sure a few of my colleagues who have had the same success emboldened others. Now, in a hybrid environment, many now understand that the discipline with which we complete our tasks comes easy because we all know the beneficiary is really the ability to focus on the work—no matter where we are. I’m very thankful for this proven fact.

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without my mom’s English pea salad. Okay, this is probably mostly Southern. I always asked her, “You’re making the pea salad, right?” There’s just something about the finely cubed cheese, onions, and boiled eggs. The right amount of those and other ingredients—and the right amount of stirring—okay, and the right amount of love. That’s what’s missing, but the other ingredients remind me of it.

Jane Howze, Managing Director, The Alexander Group

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. Not only am I celebrating Thanksgiving but my wedding anniversary which occurs on Thanksgiving day or two or three days after. This year will be our 42nd anniversary. We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon and return each Thanksgiving. Just us. Some years we are grateful that we have recovered from health challenges. Some years we celebrate our respective career successes. Every year we feel gratitude for the wonderful family, colleagues and friends that make our lives sparkle. And of course, there is love and gratitude for each other which grows every year and Thanksgiving gives us our own day to celebrate that love.

Bill Lepiesza, Director, The Alexander Group

Q: Thanksgiving is synonymous with travel. Tell us your best holiday travel tips, horror story or a time when someone made your holiday travel better.

A: I don’t know many people who enjoy the hassles of traveling during the holiday rush, and pre-COVID I certainly didn’t. Though with my wife’s extended family in the UK, and mine in Massachusetts, it was usually a necessity. And while I wouldn’t say I love the idea of a cross-country flight with thousands of other Thanksgiving travelers, I am definitely thankful that we are all able to get together in person again for the holidays. And extra thankful that my daughter is now old enough not to melt down for the entire flight completely.

John Mann, Managing Director

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: I missed dining out when the restaurants closed during the pandemic. I enjoy cooking and decided to try my hand with dishes that I probably would not have cooked if my favorite restaurants were open: Gyoza, Gochujang Chicken, Fried Egg Banh Mi’s, Chicken Tchoupitoulas, smoked briskets, to name a few. I’m thankful that I learned so much about cooking and the ingredients that are in some of my favorite dishes but I had never heard of nor had the pleasure of cooking (ie: fish sauce!).

Sarah Mitchell, Director, The Alexander Group

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: My very missed and very British father, who passed away in 2018, used Thanksgiving as a test run for the Christmas meal. He had three daughters, two of them vegetarian, and he devised the most delicious vegetarian stuffing and gravy. His secret ingredient was Marmite, the British condiment that looks and tastes like a salty oil spill to most Americans. We love it and try to recreate it when we get together at the holidays.

Q: Thanksgiving is synonymous with travel. Tell us your best holiday travel tips, horror story or a time when someone made your holiday travel better.

A: This isn’t some well-kept secret, but I do prefer to travel on the day of the holiday instead of in the days just before. My family doesn’t tend to be too precious about what specific day we celebrate, and there is something festive and peaceful about taking flight on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day.

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: This is niche, but I’m so thankful to be back on stage in a production of CLUE, which closes the weekend before Thanksgiving. It’s my first full production since March 2020, and I never imagined then that I would be away from the theatre for so long. With rigorous Covid testing and precautions, no one in the cast or crew of at least 50 people working closely together every day have gotten sick.

Anthony Ott, Associate, The Alexander Group

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: I’ve made self-care more of a priority. I take time to be alone and thankful for what I am blessed with in my life. I’ve become more intentional in making long and short-term goals and find when I embrace stillness I can prepare for the day ahead. When my daily and weekly goals are defined, I am ready for whatever challenges may come. Doing these things fosters a more productive environment for me.

Kyle Robinson, Head of Research, The Alexander Group

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

Here is a recipe I use every year for Corn Pudding. It’s amazing.

• Pre-heat oven to 350
• 4 (15 ½ oz) cans whole kernel corn – drain 1 can of corn & put in a blender
• Drain the other 3 cans of corn & set aside
• ½ cup all purpose flour
• 1/3 cup sugar (I always use Splenda)
• 6 tablespoons butter – melted
• 2 tablespoons cornmeal
• 1 ½ cups milk
• 4 large eggs
• ½ teaspoon salt

Add the above ingredients starting with the flour to the blender – blend until smooth.

Put the 3 cans of drained corn in a greased casserole dish (use a shallower dish 2 quart – it’s hard to get the middle baked through in a deep dish). Pour the blender contents over the corn in the dish & mix . Bake for 35 minutes until set (sometimes I have to stir the dish about 25 mins into baking to make sure the middle sets up).

Lyndsey Parker Rosecrans, Associate

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: Our family gave up the traditional Thanksgiving fixins’ long ago. Thanksgiving – and honestly any other holiday, family birthday, or celebration – calls for Hungarian Dumplings and “Cardiff Crack.” My mother and her side of the family are all full Hungarian, and we make huge batches of dumplings and broth any chance we get. Made from scratch stock, flavored with a copious amount of sour cream and paprika, yields the perfect jacuzzi for our simple dumplings, created with a spaetzle-maker. The “traditional” way to make the dumplings is to coat the back of a plate with the dough and aggressively chop off the bit-size pieces with a spoon. It’s why we have such strong arms. We have succumbed to the culinary advancement of a spaetzle-maker.

Now, you’re probably wondering why we eat crack. You might also be wondering if it’s why I’m a little quirky and have so much energy. The crack, “Cardiff Crack” to be exact, is a burgundy pepper marinated and infused tri-tip sold in a small local grocery store in Cardiff-By-The-Sea in north county coastal San Diego. So addicting that is has been lovingly dubbed “Cardiff Crack.” Not by our family, that’s what it’s actually called.

The next steps are to try veganize the dumplings, although I think my Hungarian grandmother will likely come back to haunt me for that.

Heather Staible, Marketing Manager, The Alexander Group

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: There’s nothing that whips me back to childhood quicker than the scent of turkey roasting in the oven and the sound of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on the television. It’s a core memory I looked forward to creating for my own kids, and the first year it was MY turn to roast the turkey it was also my mantra. There was nothing less appealing than reaching into the turkey carcass for that bag of giblets and other assorted parts, but once that maternal instinct kicked in, I conquered my extreme distaste for the less appealing part of the process. Fast forward a decade and it turns out I have acquired a lengthy list of allergies, including one to turkey, so for me, Thanksgiving is all about the sides.

As a person who prefers savory over sweet, I take exception for sweet potato mash, the queen of my Thanksgiving table. Inherently healthy, sweet potatoes (not yams) go glam thanks to the addition of real butter, a splash of half-and-half, vegetable broth (added to the InstaPot when steaming and after for a little liquid) brown sugar, allspice, a dash of cinnamon, marshmallows and candied bacon. Most of the time I eat vegetarian, but crunchy, maple-and-pepper-coated bacon atop a puffy bed of gooey marshmallows, mixed with whipped sweet potatoes is a joy akin to brisket burnt ends—another squarely nonvegetarian indulgence.

I come from a long line of people who cook with “love” i.e., we measure very little, eyeball everything and there are never any leftovers when the meal is done, so there’s no real recipe to follow. But remember, it’s Thanksgiving and more is more, so lean into the bacon and the butter, try to keep up with the Rockettes when they do their amazing kick line in the parade (what? Not everyone does that in their pajamas Thanksgiving morning?) and take a moment to savor all the sweet memories you can make with family and friends this holiday.

Jon Verlander, Managing Director

Q: What’s one thing you’re thankful for now that you wouldn’t have been pre-Covid?

A: Covid vaccinations.

Q: Thanksgiving is synonymous with travel. Tell us your best holiday travel tips, horror story or a time when someone made your holiday travel better.

My top travel tip is to avoid traveling with children, especially your own. Horror story: landing at London City Airport in the winter when it took three attempts for the plane to land, including one attempt when the wheels touched down and then we took off again. The airport is built in the docklands area of the River Thames, and the runways are somewhat short and basically end in the water. There was also the occasion when I almost drove off a mountain road in the Italian Alps in a snowstorm (saved from a very long drop by driving into a large snowdrift), but best not to recount that one.

Q: Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but it’s also about the food. What’s a beloved family recipe you make every year?

A: Thanksgiving has introduced me to deep frying, for which I will be eternally grateful. This obviously started with turkey, but I have since perfected fish and chips, Scotch Eggs, onion bhajis, and my personal favorite deep-fried crème eggs.

It’s time to raise the flag and celebrate our country’s independence. Although I write our annual Thanksgiving gratitude column, I also look forward to the Fourth of July. There is no holiday shopping frenzy, no chestnuts roasting on an open fire (seriously, we do need some new Christmas carols) or a mad rush to complete business travel. The Fourth of July has a casual, relaxed vibe. Think bare feet, shorts, burgers, beer and barbecue, warm weather evenings and fireworks. I have a lot of great Fourth of July memories, but will first yield the stage to my colleagues.

Bob Freeman
My favorite July 4th memory is from 1991. My brother was a Marine and was one of the first soldiers deployed to Kuwait for the First Gulf War. He was expected home in August. On the Fourth of July, we answered a knock on our door only to find my brother who was released early and had a friend pick him up at the airport and deliver him to our home in Lake Jackson, Texas. There were so many tears of happiness that day. It was both an emotional and symbolic moment.

Kyle Robinson

My daughter, Isobel, was born on July 4, 2015. The day before, my wife and I had spent the day walking around The Galleria trying to bring on labor. My wife, with her Ph.D. in US History, kept telling our yet-to-be-born child how cool it would be to share a birthday with the country. We decided to head to the hospital to get assessed. After a quick exam, the doctor determined it wouldn’t be long. Sure enough on July 4th at 3:03 am we had our baby girl! Later that evening, in our room on the 14th floor of the hospital, we could see fireworks shows from different areas of the city. Of course, it was in celebration of Independence Day, but I told Isobel it was to celebrate her arrival. We are excited to celebrate our little firecracker’s 2nd birthday, again with fireworks next Tuesday.

Jane Howze
My experience covered last July 4th weekend, and it mostly took place outside of the US. I am a huge concert fan. On a business trip to London last March, I learned that one of my idols, legendary singer/songwriter Carole King would be performing her landmark album “Tapestry” for the first time on July 3rd and that Don Henley would open for her. I quickly snagged front row tickets.

Don Henley gave one of his first performances since Eagles co-founder Glenn Frey died earlier in 2016. He thanked the audience for their cards, calls, and sympathy and talked about how difficult the year had been. With his voice breaking, he dedicated “Desperado” (the first song he and Frey co-wrote) to Glenn. You could hear a pin drop and also more than a few sniffles.

As the sun set and cast a heavenly glow on her baby grand piano, 75-year-old Carole King took the stage. As she started the first track of Tapestry “I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet.” the cheers of the 90,000 fans did indeed make me feel like the earth was trembling. The audience sang so loudly, passionately that I thought I saw a tear roll down King’s face (and certainly down mine). King had not performed in London for 27 years. Who knows if she will ever perform again? I didn’t want this performance to end. It was an experience for the ages, which I wrote about for Culturemap Houston. The best part – after the concert itself — was that we flew back to the United States on the 4th of July. As we descended into Salt Lake City shortly after sundown, we were treated to dozens of firework displays. Another song came to mind: “and the fireworks bursting in air…..”

Bill Lepiesza
Ten years ago this summer, my wife Claire (originally from England) received her US citizenship. It was a long process, with multiple interviews, a mountain of paperwork, but all worth it when two weeks after raising her right hand and swearing allegiance to the USA, we celebrated her first Fourth of July as an American. We live in San Diego, a Navy town at its core, and the Fourth here is a major patriotic event, replete with marching bands, parades, anthems, flags, and – of course – fireworks lighting up the city as far as the eye can see. While I, and many of my friends and colleagues, have had the good fortune to have been born in this country, those that undertake the process to become a naturalized citizen are even more passionate about the opportunities and values that we hold dear as a nation. I will never forget watching the celebration of our country’s birth through the eyes of a new citizen.

My turn: Uncle Sam speaks and the video that continues to play

I’m not sure I can top those experiences, but I do remember The Alexander Group’s Fourth of July video in 2015. We have always been ahead of the curve – we created holiday videocards before they were a dime a dozen and made donations to charities long before it was de rigeur. Frankly, the genre has gotten too crowded with overly commercial, sappy and well, boring holiday cards. We decided it was time for a change.

Why not focus on our country’s birthday to show our creativity and sense of humor with a video? We hired leading digital media agency, Jaded Palate Productions, who came up with costumes, an old VW bus, and a plan. It was and is (as you will see) a great video that allowed us to take a break from work and be film stars for a day. And for me, a Leo, what could be better than playing Uncle Sam?

However, the best-laid plans started to go wrong when the technology platform sending the video card failed. And I mean failed. Some of our clients got the video four of five times-daily for more than a week. Other clients did not get the video at all. We got responses ranging from “I loved the video on Monday, thought it was great on Tuesday but enough already” to emails from our CIO placements offering to come fix our system.

We compounded the issue by trying to send out individual emails with the video to those who did not get the video, but that resulted in the video being sent to everyone again. One client said it was the best example of Groundhog Day he had ever seen. One email response said only “please….stop.” Another UK client got the card ten times, and I am proud to say they are still a client. I saved all the questioning, frustrated and comical responses which make me hang my head in embarrassment as I reread them. They would, by themselves, make a good video.

But until next year, everyone have a happy Fourth of July, and if you don’t let me know what you think of my Uncle Sam costume, the video will keep coming.